Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
