I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
