never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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