Do vagina's smell?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
