life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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