you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
try to milk me bitch
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