I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
