id be glad to
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
