It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
