i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
