Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
