I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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