Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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