maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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