he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
