At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
