Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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