chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
