Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
