i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
