he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
