I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
