Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
