I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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