it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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