JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
