i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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