I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
