you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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