So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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