WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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