I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
