it was like eating out sand paper
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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