Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
