well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
