Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
