this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
