shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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