Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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