my phone needs a breathalizer
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
