she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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