my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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