I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
