guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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