the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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