Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
