omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
