she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
