Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So vagazzling was a success
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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