yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
