Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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