dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
