it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
