you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
