I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
